


futile devices (words)

by polariizepilots



Category: 2 Cool 2 be 4gotten (Movie 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Cults, Implied Relationships, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-08-22 18:59:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16603709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polariizepilots/pseuds/polariizepilots
Summary: He told you that you where always good at doing things. Guess the one thing you weren't good at was telling him how you felt.(Title is from Sufjan Stevens song Futile Devices)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's shame really that this movie doesn't have any fanfic, so I took it upon myself to write one. 
> 
> Uh, I hope you enjoy! Also I take constructive criticism but not without crying. 
> 
> Also, I know very little about the Philippines so I apologise in advance if I get anything wrong. Also, the movie that this is set in is the late 1990s in the Philippines.

June 11 

 

You're in a classroom, listening to the teacher speak but not fully taking into what she's saying. Her words go in one ear and out the other, until she says something that piques your interest.

 

“Starting today, only English will be used in my class.” The teacher paces up and down the isle of desks. “And if you hear someone speaking in kapampangan, flick them three times on the ear. Understood?” 

 

You hear this and think it's messed up, but you're fluent in both English and kapampangan. Still, though, it's pretty messed up because you know there are some students that aren't fluent in English. 

 

“Ma'am. Why can't we speak in kapampangan?” A student asks in kapampangan. 

 

“Because it sounds barbaric! And you want to sound educated don't you?” 

 

You don't really understand how someone speaking in their native tongue is barbaric, and that speaking English equals to being educated.  _ Just because someone doesn't speak English doesn't mean they aren't educated, _ you think.  

 

“It gives the school a bad image,” She says sternly.

 

You kind of tune her out while she goes on a tangent about speaking English and the school board, and whatever else she says. But then you hear the word journal and you tune back in. 

 

“From on now, I want you guys to write one entry on your journal for every day. And it has to be in English,” She announces. “You will turn it in by the end of the grading period.” 

 

You watch as the students who didn't have their journals today fall in line, and get slapped on the fingers by a ruler. You never had that experience in your school life, and you're thankful because it looks like it might hurt. 

 

Class ends a little while later. 

 

_ I am in a conundrum,  _ you think as you walk down the halls.  _ This is the first time an assignment has stumped. It’s not my fault that I am stuck with these unremarkable individuals in a forlorn school.  _

 

You take out your lunch and you start eating. You mostly eat alone at lunch at school, but you really don't mind that. You watch as two girls walk past you, talking loudly about something or the other. And, that's the the thing to, you really don't understand girls. Don't find them all too interesting or fascinating to talk to. Girls, to you, are like grass. Something you know exists and is there, but remains unremarkable and bothersome. 

 

“Did you hear?” Someone says. 

 

“What?” 

 

“...Cult. They're...scary! Cut heads.” You overhear this conversation in their very limited English. You kind of feel bad for them. 

 

“Go on!” Some boy shouts. 

 

You can sense the boy reading the article struggling to get the words out. You can practically see the wheels turning in his head to get the words out in English, but alas, he gives up and says the words in his native tongue. 

 

“They cut heads...like samurai!” His group of friends start to flick his ear. 

 

You stare at your food and think,  _ being a school topnotcher means you don't have friends. But I'm not disconsolate. I've never encountered anyone worth befriending.  _

 

You look over over left shoulder and see two boys a few feet away from you. They look to be about your age. You think they might be brothers, or perhaps related to each other in some way. Solely based on the fact they look kind of alike. 

 

You go back to class and the teacher resumes the lesson on The Untouchables. You pay attention this time because you actually are interested in the material that's being taught to you. 

 

Suddenly, though, the teacher stops talking and you look up from your notebook and see the principal. 

 

You stand up along with the class and say in unison. “Good afternoon, Principal Patio, mabuhay.” 

 

“II-Sampaguita, I would like to introduce to you your new classmate,” Principal Patio announces. 

 

You see the boy from earlier walk in and for some reason, you can't seem to take your eyes off of him. You hear some kids snicker and laugh at him, but you really don't care about that. You're too focused on him to really care about anything else. 

 

“Class! What would you like to say to your new classmate?” Teacher Sampaguita says sternly. 

 

“Good afternoon, classmate, mabuhay,” You say kind of lowly. Everybody sits back down. 

 

“Um,” He starts. “My name is Magnus Snyder and I'm seventeen years old. I have a little brother that goes here as well. His name is Maxim, and he's a year younger than me.” 

 

As you listen to him talk, you start to like the sound the of his voice. It's smooth and has a bit of edge to it. You also notice that he doesn't have accent when he talks in English, like you do. You try not to be affected by the accent in your voice when you speak English, but sometimes it's hard not to. 

 

“My father is American and my mom is from Visayas,” he continues. “She…” 

 

“Samar? Leyte?” Ms. Sampaguita lists. 

 

“Uh, I forgot where. Sorry,” Magnus says. 

 

“Is that all?” Sampaguita says. 

 

“Um, yeah.” 

 

“Okay, then you can sit behind Spencer.” She points to the desk behind you. 

 

You watch him walk past you and sit down. You watch him for a moment longer, but then decide that's probably a creepy thing to do and turn around and face the front of the class. 

 

Then in literature class, you notice something weird about the teacher. She asks Spencer, who sits next to you to recite the words of a poem in the book. While he's a reciting, you conjure an image in your mind and you decide to go along with. But once Spencer is finished, so is the image. 

 

“I feel like Florante might have looked like Magnus if he was still alive,” The teacher pulls a seductive face. 

 

You don't think Magnus notices, but makes your insides want to throw up. You know that's hardly an appropriate thing to say to a student. It makes you feel gross hearing those words come out her mouth. 

 

After class is over, you sit outside where all the boys play basketball and someone asks Magnus it he wants to pay. But he declines, which makes you wonder. It makes you wonder if he's different from the rest of the boys here at school. The boy says something in kapampangan that isn't so nice, but Magnus doesn't look to be affected by what he said. So, you don't if he knows kapampangan or not. 

  
  


-

-

  
  


You're home now, eating with your mom and dad. You need to let them know you need money for the Florante play, but you know that they won’t be able to do afford it.

 

“What do I do?.” You say in kapampangan. “I need money for Florante play.” 

 

“My god.” Your dad groans. “We’ve spent too much money already this month.”

 

“Are we going to just starve?” Your mom interjects. “You can’t be out of work.” 

 

You never will admit this out loud to anyone, but sometimes you really do hate being poor. You also know that people have it worse than you, and you try to take that into consideration of your situation. But still, you really do hate not having enough to enjoy the little things in like going to a play or to the beach. You sometimes wonder what life would be like if you had more than enough. 

 

“I did not wish for the company to shut down,” Your dad explains. “If you want… I can just go to Saudi.” 

 

You don’t like this news of your dad going to Saudi. It’s extremely far from where you live and while you understand that he needs to find work, going to Saudi is not an option for you. You need him to stay close to home. You look towards your mom and hope that she will interject at this news, but she does not. 

 

“I don’t care. Just keep on working!” She exclaims. 

 

And as soon as she says that, you really can’t believe the words that come out her mouth. You almost wish that she will take it back, but she doesn’t. Her words make you angry and little bit disappointed because this conversation just seems to be about her, and her needs and wants. Though, you say nothing.    
  


“And your son’s tuition..” 

 

You stop listening to the conversation after that. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue is in the fic will be taken from the movie, just so any one who reads this knows that. 
> 
> Enjoy reading!
> 
> Also the words that are italicized are to represent Felix's internal thoughts

June 15

“Felix Salonga.” You hear your name being called and go up to the front of the room, and grab your test. You hate this part of school because it somehow makes you feel worse and great about yourself. It’s weird; being praised for doing good at school but feeling bad because of it. You try not to mind this part, but you still mind it every. Fucking. Time.

“You should always do your best on your exams, so you’ll have the chance to abroad like me,” The teacher says in kapampangan. “Okay, let's give them five claps.”

You stare blankly ahead towards the back of the class as your students give you half hearted claps. You hate this part the most.

“Thank you very much! Now, you may all take a seat,” The teacher commands as you walk towards your seat.

You really wish he would stop doing this, but you know there’s no use to it. The teacher talks again about the people who got the lowest scores on the exam, and you don’t pay any attention to their names because a girl hands you a small note that reads ‘congratulations’ on it all pretty-like. You crumple it in your hand like it’s nothing.

The teacher goes on with the lesson about polar coordinates, which you already know how to do so you really don’t focus your attention to the lesson all that much. Instead, you focus on Magnus Snyder. Magnus Snyder is still an enigma to you. Which is kind of baffling because no one has made you feel this way before. It’s a strange feeling, and you’re not sure why you feel this strongly towards someone. Class ends a little while later and you have a break before your next class.

 _When I reached my 100th perfect score, I stopped counting_ , you think as you set your bookbag down and sit on the concrete. _I have always know that I’m smart. And this isn’t the first time a teacher has told me that I deserve to be somewhere better._ You take out a cassette tape you had stashed away in your bookbag, when Magnus Snyder comes up to you. You are utterly surprised by his presence.

“Yo,” He says in a bored tone. “Um, can you help me with my geometry?”

You are truly at a loss for words at this current situation that is taking place. Magnus is standing above you at a perfect angle so that the sun surrounds him, and well, makes him look like Florante in the flesh. You see him shift on his feet and you quickly look down at your cassette tape.

“Go see Mr. Pangan.” You say as you look down to mess with the tape. “It would be his pleasure to help you.”

“But he’s gay.”

“What?” You exclaim. 

“Listen, I don’t have anything against gay people, it’s just, I’m not comfortable.”

You continue to look at him for just a moment before the conversation that is happening behind him takes hold of your attention. You look past him as you watch and listen to them converse with each other in Kapampangan. You look back up him again and say, “Okay.”

You walk next to him as he walks you to his mother’s car. You’ve always know that he’s been taller than you, but walking next to him makes you feel even shorter.

“How was your day?” Magnus’s mother asks.

“It was okay,” He responds and points to you. “Uh, mom this is Felix and he’s gonna help me with my geometry. Felix, this is my mom.”

You stay silent. You haven’t really met anyone’s parents before, so, this is all new to you and you’re really not sure how to act or how to respond.

“Hi, Felix.” She smiles. “Sounds rich”

“Not really…” You go and take her hand to kiss it, but she quickly objects the polite manner.

“Oh no, don’t do that! It makes me look old.” She laughs.

“Let’s go, let’s just go,” Magnus says hurriedly. You decide to let that moment pass and you repress inside of your mom. You follow Magnus to their car and their mom lets you seat in the passenger seat of the car.

“Who the fuck is this?” You hear.

“He’s my uh, classmate. He’s gonna help with my geometry,”Magnus explains. You assume the other guy in the backseat of the car is Maxim.

“You, be nice,” Their mom says in kapampangan towards Maxim.

The car ride to their house is, well, a bit awkward. There’s no music playing in the car and no one seems to want to make conversation, and you’re really not sure how to deal with it all. You’ve never ridden in a car with anyone before, so you’re really not sure how to act. You want start a conversation, but you don’t know how to go about one. So, everyone stays silent while Maxim is mouthing the words to a song he’s listening to through his headphones.

“Why are your teachers like that?” You hear their mom say, while you shovel food into your mouth and sit on the couch.

“How about you Felix, have you ever cheated?” You look up and turn towards the right, and see Maxim looking at you.

You chew your food. “Never.”

“C’mon. You know Felix doesn’t need to cheat,” Magnus comments.

“So, you’re saying I’m dumb?” Maxim huffs.

“You know what I mean.”

“Hey, guys, please don’t fight,” Their mom interrupts.

You’re not sure how to take this all in. You don’t have any siblings so you assume this is how they must act. Or, you think this is how they act. It kind of makes you grateful that you don’t have any siblings.

“Are you guys done? I’ll clean up now.” Their mom starts to pick up their dirty plates. A few minutes later and Magnus leads you to his room.

Magnus puts his backpack down. “You know, you don’t have to talk to us in English. Me and Maxim know Tagalog and Kapampangan fairly well.”

You close the door and look around his room. “It’s okay. I can express myself better in English.”

“Yo, Maxim! Keep it down!” Magnus pulls an annoyed face.

You walk towards the left side of his bed and sit down with your back facing the wall. “It’s fine. It’s just stupid noise. What did you want to study again?”

You watch as Magnus paces back and forth. “I don’t know. Everything? I’ve been in geometry for the past three years. You’re better at it than I am.”

You stay quiet and watch as he pulls off his school uniform shirt, and search for a different shirt. Your eyes trail from the curve of his spine to the slight dip in his hips, to the slope of his shoulders. You look away for a quick second once you realize you’re checking him, but your eyes betray you and they go back to looking at him. You feel the corners of your lips turn upwards just a tad.

“What are you smiling at?” He questions.

“Nothing,” You say quickly, afraid that if he knew what you were smiling about, he wouldn’t want to be around you anymore.

He looks at you for a moment. “You’re such a weirdo.”

You clasp your hands together. “So, where do you want to start?”

The study session goes by fairly well. You teach him about the Pythagorean theorem, and where to find the missing angle of a triangle. You also teach him about sine, cosine, and tangent. Just the basics, really. But, while you were helping him, you got distracted by the way his mouth curled up in frustration or the way his eyes lit up when he got a question right. You also got distracted when your arms would bump against each other, or when you would go to correct a question and take the pencil from his hands, your fingers would accidently graze his. You start to think you might have crush on him.

 

-  
-

“Are you sure that I can borrow this?” You clarify as you hold his old walkman and headphones.

“Yeah, I mean, I barely use it anyway.” He shrugs. “Oh and uh here.” You hands you a ten dollar bill.

You look up at him. “What’s this?”

“Don’t mention.” He shrugs.

“C’mon, mom’s waiting for us in the car.”

“Where do you live? I can drive you there,” His mom says in kapampangan.

“Uh, just drop me off at the terminal. I can walk from there,” You respond back in kapampangan.

_June fifteenth. Let me talk to you about what was previously identified as the Clark Air base. It’s quite amazing what enhancement the Americans have brought to this part of the planet. It’s our little America with picturesque houses and fascinating individuals. Like Magnus Snyder._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter! Don't forget to leave kudos and comments!

June 16-July 26

 

“You’ve never recorded on a radio before?” Magnus asks as he takes out a cassette tape. 

You shake your head. “Never.” 

 

“So, uh, are you going to give this to your girl?” He asks he winds the tape with a pencil. 

 

“What? No.” You pause. “It’s for me.” 

 

He pulls a confused and shocked face. “You really are a weirdo, Felix.” 

 

You sigh with indignation. “This  _ weirdo _ is helping you pass geometry, if you already forgot.” 

 

“At least your earning.” 

 

You don’t say anything. 

 

“Oh and uh, Max. He wants to talk to you actually,” Magnus informs. “He’s in his room.” 

 

You leave Magnus’s room and head towards Maxim’s which is conveniently placed across the hall from Magnus's. You knock on the door and enter. 

 

You watch as Maxim puts a ten dollar bill into his homework book.

 

“These are all for monday.” He hands you his homework. 

 

You’re confused. “But..” 

 

“You want me to tell Magnus that you’re in my room, looking at my dick,” Maxim threatens. 

 

You take his homework, albeit reluctantly.

 

“Thought so.” 

 

You decide right then and there that you do not like Maxim Snyder. 

  
  


-

\- 

  
  


“Hey, do you see that light post?” Magnus points

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I'll race you to it. If I win, I won't have to pay you ten dollars for the next time we study.” 

 

“Okay.”

 

“Yeah? Ready, set, go!” Magnus breaks into a sprint. 

 

You start running yourself. And, you've never been a strong runner so you end up losing the race. But you don't mind losing all that much. You rest your hands on your knees as you take deep breaths, you see Magnus do the same. He looks towards you and you watch as a smile blooms across his face. You like the way the corners of his eyes crinkle and the way his dimples become more prominent. 

 

He puts a hand on your shoulder and you try not focus on the weight of the feeling. “I guess that means it's free, huh.” 

 

-

-

 

“Are you already there, Felix? There's a buro if you're hungry.” Your mom shouts in Kapampangan. But you really don't care because you're too busy listening to the cassette tape Magnus gave you. You like song that is playing right now, you're not sure what it's called, but you like nonetheless. 

 

You lay down and just lose yourself in the song, and you start think of Magnus. You think of Magnus and his smile, especially his dimples. You think of his laugh when you say something witty. You think of his hair and how it looks soft, and how badly you want to test that theory. You think of his warn brown eyes and how they seem to hold all the answers to your questions. You think of his hand and you wonder what it would be like to hold them. You think of the feeling you have when you're with him, and it all starts to make sense. 

  
  


-

-

  
  


You're outside in the courtyard with Magnus, watching all the other students when you suddenly ask, “Why are you becoming so studious anyways?” 

 

“Well, dad promised me and Maxim that he'll take us back to the States for good after we graduate high school.” 

 

“Not gonna happen, bro,” Maxim says out of the blue. 

 

“Shut up, Maxim.” Magnus gets up and walks off. 

 

“Don’t you wanna go to the U.S.?” You ask Maxim. 

 

“I do. But not in the way Magnus imagines.” 

 

You watch as Maxim as leaves with a teacher or a tutor, you really don't know and you don't care enough about him to find out. 

 

-

-

  
  


July 27

 

_ The little brown monkeys at school will never have equal footing with the Snyder Brothers. These pieces of green paper bring me to the same level as Magnus and Maxim.  _

 

You start to put away all your money once your hear your mom talking to you. 

 

“You've been coming home late every night,” Your mother states in kapampangan. 

 

“There's been a lot of extracurriculars,” You lie. 

 

“Haven't you seen the news of the bald samurai?” You think you've heard about them here and there, but you've been caught up in life that is Magnus Snyder that you haven't been paying attention. 

 

“If they see you, they'll kidnap and behead you!” 

 

You sigh in disbelief. “You still believe that? I need extracurriculars to maintain my rank in class.” 

 

She doesn't say anymore, so you assume the conversation ends. 

 

-

-

 

August 7

 

You're at Magnus's house eating, and their mom is talking to all of you. 

 

“Take care of yourselves for now. I'll be home tomorrow morning, around six a.m.,” She says as she puts on high heels. 

 

“Where are you going?” You ask. 

 

“My friend's party.” 

 

She says bye before she leaves. 

 

You eat the last bit of your sandwich, and take out the geometry homework and place it on the kitchen table. 

 

“I think we need a break,” Magnus says. 

 

You look at him, confused. “But how…”

 

“Hey man, don't worry. You'll still get your ten bucks.” 

 

You watch as Magnus and Maxim get up from the table, which confuses and scared you a little, but you stay quiet. 

 

“You've ever had alcohol before, Felix?” Magnus asks from behind. 

 

“No,” Your voice rises. You're starting to get freaked out because you have no idea what will happen next. 

 

“Ever smoked?” Maxim questions.

 

“No,” You answer. 

 

Magnus sits the boom box on the table which rattles the half empty cups or orange juice, and the empty plates that are on the table. 

 

“What a fucking square,” Maxim gibes. You ignore the insult. 

 

Magnus takes pity on you and says, “C'mon, Felix, you gotta loosen up a bit.” 

 

“No. No. No.” You say sternly. You're trying so hard to show that you're not scared. 

  
  


You sit in your tank top as the music blares, and you watch the Snyder brothers dance in the blue strobe lights. You're content like this as you eat the peanuts from the palm of your hand.  _ I can't give in to the short-sighted desires of pubescent individuals. Temporary jubilation can only result in long-lasting distress.  _

 

Neither Maxim or Magnus is exceptionally good at dancing, but you like the way Magnus moves his body in time with the music. 

 

_ But maybe, I can partake in the exhilaration of respiring in the second-hand smoke belched from their Filipino-American lungs. That's enough for now.  _

 

Magnus stands in front of you and holds out a hand. 

 

“I don't dance,” you tell him. 

 

He laughs. “I don't dance either, c'mon.” 

 

Maxim and Magnus haul you up to your feet and you reluctantly go along. They move your arms for you, and this is not your idea of dancing but you go along with it. 

 

Later, you sit at the kitchen table and you take your third shot. The alcohol burns in the back of your throat and you try not to throw up at the taste of it. You're not feeling to good anymore. 

 

“Yeah!” They cheer. 

 

“One more, one more! Last shot.” Maxim pours another shot. 

 

“No, no. Maxim, no more,” Magnus says. 

 

You hear them bicker about having a last shot or not, but you're so focused on not throwing up that you really don't care. You can feel the bile rise in your throat as they continue to bicker, and if they don't shut up, you might genuinely vomit on their kitchen table. 

 

“ _ No  _ more, Maxim. He's had enough.” 

 

You open the screen door, and throw up in the grass. It's absolutely disgusting and gross, and the exact reason you will never drink again in your life. And, the best part is that you don't throw up once, but three times. You hear Magnus walk up to you and you feel his arms around you in what is a comforting manner, you appreciate it. You feel his hands rub up and down the middle of your back but you're too drunk and busy vomiting to actually get to appreciate it. 

 

You're embarrassed. “ I'm sorry. You shouldn't see me like this.”

 

Magnus slurs. “No, no. It's cool, man.” 

 

Magnus leads you back inside and to the couch. You lay down and fall asleep instantly


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates on this thing, I've been busy with school and work, so I haven't had time to really work on it. But now that I'm on winter break, I'll try to get a few chapters out here and there. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Also, don't forget to leave comments and kudos! 
> 
> Also, there's a bit of strong language in this chapter.

July 28 

 

The sun streaming through the white curtains is what wakes you up. You groan as you sit up from your uncomfortable sleeping position. You notice there’s a creak in your neck, but you don’t pay it no mind. You look up and see the Snyder's mother staring at you with a cup of coffee in her hands. 

 

“Yes?” She says in kapampangan. You grab the couch pillow to your left and you try to hide the fact that you slept in your boxers.

 

“Just grab some clothes from Magnus’s drawers. In his room,” She continues in kapampangan. 

 

You sit there, awkward. You’re not sure what to say to her. You just hope that she doesn’t notice the mess you all made last night. Or, maybe she already noticed the mess from last night and doesn’t want to say anything. You get up from the couch, and walk towards Magnus’s room. You enter his room and tap lightly on his sleeping form. 

 

“Magnus,” you say. He doesn’t wake up. You tap your fingers against his hip bone and repeat his name. You watch him turn to his right, but he still doesn’t wake up. As he turns, you notice that he’s just in his own boxers and you quickly look away. You don’t look back and you go straight to his dresser. You shuffle through his clothes and find the shirt you’re looking for. You get dressed before Magnus wakes up. 

 

You’re sitting next to Magnus who is to your right, and Maxim is sitting your far left. You’re too nervous to eat the breakfast their mom made because waiting for her to scold you or something. 

 

“Here,” she says as she gives Maxim a pack of cigarettes. “You left these on the bathroom floor.” 

 

“Sorry,” you apologize in kapampangan. You don’t know what you’re apologizing for, you just are. 

 

“Why?” she questions. 

 

“We overdid it last night. It won’t happen again.”

 

“What are you talking about? It’s fine. It’s normal for kids your age to do those sorts of things.” she says as moves dishes from off the counter and into the sink. “How many bottles of gin did you finish?”

 

“Three,” Maxim answers. 

 

“When I was your age, me and my friends could finish five bottles,” she boasts. 

You think that’s a strange thing to boast about because you could barely get through a bottle and a half without wanting to throw up. 

 

She continues on. “We didn’t even get drunk.” 

 

That’s also pretty weird because you got drunk off your ass after a bottle and a half. You might suspect they may have drank water instead. 

 

“Hey, Maxim. Give me a cigarette, please,” she says. “I’ll be back.” 

 

You smile as their mother leaves to use the bathroom. 

 

“Your mom’s cool,” you compliment. 

 

“Of course, she’s cool. She’s a hooker,” Maxim says nonchalantly. 

 

Maxim’s crudeness always takes you by surprise. So, it’s no different than the last time he said something crude, but still you just wish that he had a filter of some sort. But that’s the difference between you and him, while you have too much of a filter, he has too little of one. Maybe that’s the reason why you don’t like him. 

 

“Our dad picked her up one night in Field’s avenue, then they got drunk together. Then, boom, fuckfest. First product was Magnus, and after another year of fucking, another product was made. The handsomer one,” Maxim tells you. 

 

“Dream on,” Magnus says under his breath. 

 

“Name was Maximilian,” Maxim says as he takes a bite of his toast. 

 

Magnus starts to speak, “You know, I bet she didn’t even go that party last night. She probably went to some horny old white man again.” 

 

You’re trying to comprehend what the hell they’re telling you, but you really can’t. You can’t picture their mom doing those things. It’s just feels wrong somehow. 

 

“But how do even know these things?” you question. 

 

Maxim turns to look at you. “We’re not as stupid as you think we are, Felix.” 

 

His words throw you off for just a second or two because you never wanted them to know that. Magnus also looks at you, and you feel the shame rise up in your chest like weed rise up from a crack in the sidewalk. You don’t say anything because you know it’s true, and they know it’s true also. You turn to your plate, and pick up the silverware and eat your food. 

August 8

 

You’re listening to a punk rock song from the cassette tape that Magnus gave to you. You also have a cigarette burning on the corner of your desk. Maybe the secondhand smoke from the party got you addicted, but you don’t want to admit it. 

 

_ The more I get to be with Magnus and Maxim, the more I find myself drawn to them. The shining, shimmering Snyder brothers. The dual dukes of exquisiteness. The genetic miracles of interracial copulation.  _

 

“You know, because of Mt. Pinatubo, the Americans were forced to abandon Clark,” their mom says as blows out smoke from her lungs. “Even Johnny went back the states.” 

 

“Johnny?” you ask in kapampangan. 

 

“Our dad,” Magnus responds in english. 

 

“He did not come back after Pinatubo?” 

 

“The plan was - “ she gets cut of by Magnus. 

 

“He’s gonna takes us back the States once we graduate high school,” Magnus says sternly. 

 

You hear Maxim chuckle at Magnus words, and Magnus gets angry and throws something at him, but he misses. 

 

“Hey, you, you stop it!” their mom exclaims. You watch as the anger settles into his body. He squares up his shoulders, and his jaw becomes little clenched and his footsteps are louder than usual. You watch him leave the porch and go back into the house. You continue to sit on the couch and you watch as his mom trails after him, and after a moment or two so does Maxim. But, Maxim stops in the door to tell you something. 

 

“Oh yeah, don’t forget; reaction paper, three paragraphs, and at least five sentences each.” 

 

“...But I haven’t seen the movie.” 

 

Maxim looks at you like you have three brain cells total. “The fuck is the internet for? Just search Flor Contemplacion movie summary, on yahoo, alright?” 

 

He walks away, you let out a sigh and continue eating your peanuts. 

  
  
  


The sound the computer makes as it dials up sounds like it might quit halfway through and explode. Also, it’s takes forever. But it doesn’t, which is a blessing and a curse. You write his stupid fucking paper, and once you’re done, you go outside to the back porch and you hear their mom singing. You notice that she’s drunk and she’s smoking a cigarette. 

 

“Are you okay?” you ask in kapampangan. 

 

“Hey. Sorry. I might not be able to drive you home tonight,” she says and tries to hand you her almost empty beer bottle. 

 

You shake your head. “No thanks.”

 

She starts to speak, “You know, I don’t even remember their dad’s face anymore...you’re so young. You know, when I was your age, I was working already.” 

 

You don’t think about the type of work she was doing, so you derail the conversation, “Are you coming to America with Magnus and Maxim to America after they graduate?” 

 

She scoffs. “There’s no such plan.” 

 

Her words are news to you because that’s all Magnus has talk to you about. You wonder if Magnus knows that, but doesn’t want to admit to himself. 

 

“You’re going to stay?” 

 

She laughs at your words. “Just me? Even those two? Their dad’s already married to a Mexican girl in the states. But I don’t know if they’re still together. Their kids are ugly! Their gums are big! Good thing my sons are good-looking.” 

 

You have a feeling that Magnus might know of his dad’s life back in the states. “Does Magnus know?” 

 

She laughs through her drunken stupor, “No!” You watch as she drops her beer bottle on the floor, and almost trip. 

 

You see Magnus run past you and his mom, and you follow after him. You stop running after him when he stops somewhere in the woods. You can clearly hear the crickets chirping and the owls hooting, and the gasping for breath from Magnus. 

 

You sit down on the grass and after a moment, so does Magnus. You try not to make the question so accusatory or mean, but it still comes out that way. “Why do you want to be with your dad so badly? You’re mom’s here. He’s not.” 

 

“It’s not about my dad. It’s about being in a better country. I’m just sick and tired of this shitty country. It beats having a whore for a mother.” 

 

“Maybe your mother was a prostitute before, but look at her now. She’s changed.” 

 

“No, she’s not. She screws around with a lot of men. Germans, Arabs, Australians, Russians, you name it. The whole fucking U.N. has been and out of her pussy, and she thinks we don’t know that.” 

 

“Didn’t you hear her? Your dad’s not gonna come and get you.” 

 

“...”

 

“Let’s just go back to your house and let’s finish our homework.” 

 

“No, I don’t see any point in graduating, man...you should just go home. I don’t need you.” 

 

You try not let those last words sting, but they do. They really do sting, and they almost hurt enough to make you cry. 

  
  
  


-

-

  
  


You turn around and you look towards Magnus, who seems to be somewhere else. He doesn’t even acknowledge that you’re looking at him. You turn back around, defeated, and look down at the notes you’re taking. 

 

“Mr. Salonga!” You hear your name being called, which startles you like no other. “What followed the Song Dynasty?” 

 

You frantically search through your textbook, but the girl in front of you has already answered the question. You know that you shouldn’t feel angry, but it’s weird being an overachiever with other overachievers in class. You’re always trying to outdo the others class and outdo the out do-ers. It’s a strange a cycle to be in. 

 

The bell rings and you pack up your stuff, and while you’re packing up your stuff you hear the teacher talking about a quiz next class. After you pray and pay your respects to the teacher, you walk over to Magnus. 

 

“Let’s eat,” you say. 

“I’m not hungry,” he responds. You watch him pack his stuff in his bag and leave without ever looking at you. 

 

Before you follow after him, you walk towards the front of the class and open the bag which belongs to the girl who sits in front of you. And, it’s moments like these that you wish you controlled your anger in a better way, but so far, you haven’t found the better way. You dump all her shit on the floor of the classroom, and you really don’t care. It doesn’t solve the problem you have with her, but it makes you feel a little better. 

 

You walks towards Magnus, and you notice that he’s playing basketball. You don’t know the rules or how the game is really played, but Magnus is not that good at it. Even though he’s not a great basketball player, he still tries. Which makes you like him even more. While, he’s playing he shoots the ball at weird angle, and it makes him fall backwards and the ball almost hits dead in the face. 

 

You rush to his side. “Magnus? Are you okay?” 

 

He pushes you off of him, sits ups, and goes to pick up the basketball that rolled a foot away from him. You looks at from the corner of his eye, and you don’t like the look he’s giving you. That look is telling you that he wants you leave him alone, to stop bothering him. 

 

“I don’t care anymore,” he says, tired. 

 

“It’s not the end of the world,” you say. “Why don’t we both study hard together, so we can go to Manila for college? Then we’ll graduate with flying colors. I’ll help you.” 

 

You look at him with pleading eyes, begging him to say anything. But in the end, he stays quiet. He just snatches the basketball from your hands, he shoots and misses. He grabs his school shirt and bag off the ground, and you stand there as he walks away from you. 

 

“Shall I help you with our assignment?” 

 

He stops in his tracks. “Not tonight.” 

  
  
  


-

-

  
  
  


You go to place where there’s a window of sorts looking out to the courtyard. You step towards it, and you look down and to the left and see Magnus with your literature teacher. You thinks it’s weird and creepy how she’s standing so close to him, and she keeps looking around like she’s afraid that someone might see them. You continuing watching as she brings Magnus face in close to hers, and kisses him. The sight of it makes you want to gag, and you want to tell someone but you’re not sure to who. 

 

The sound of Maxim’s voice startles you, “Two questions, Felix. One, are you gay?” 

 

“What are you-”

 

“Two, are you in love with my brother?” 

 

You’re heart is properly beating inside of your chest right now, and your flight or fight response is kicking in right now. You wonder how the hell Maxim came up with those questions because, so far, you’ve been doing a good job of hiding it. Well, at least you think you have. 

 

“No! What are talking about?” You say in kapampangan, but then you switch back to english. “Look! Our Filipino teacher is touching Magnus inappropriately.” 

 

“So what?” Maxim says flippantly. “You should see how good Miss Sagcal gives me head.” 

 

You exhale sharply. “We should tell the Principal immediately.” 

 

“Why? Jealous of Miss Echiverri?” Maxim smirks. 

 

“Damn you!” you curse in kapampangan. 

 

You walk down the stairs, trying to get away from Maxim, but he follows you anyways. 

 

“This is a horrible place for me and Magnus, don’t you agree?” he says, at the top of the staircase. 

 

“Whatever,” you say lowly. “Leave me alone.” 

 

“I already knew about dad’s new family in the states,” he continues talking. “I know you care about my brother.” 

 

You glare at him. “What’s your point?” 

 

He raises his voice, “Dad will bring us to the States. But only if mom dies while we’re minors.” He moves closer to you. “Felix, we should kill Demetria. Magnus doesn’t have to know.” 

 

Once you hear the confession come from Maxim’s mouth, you’re utterly taken aback. You are shocked, and disgusted from the words that Maxim has said to you. The idea of it all makes you think Maxim is off his rockers. There’s no way that Maxim is serious about this, right? He wants to kill his own mother, his  _ own mother _ . You can’t ever imagine doing something like that to anyone, especially your own mother. 

 

“You’re insane!” You try to walk away from him, but he grabs you by the collar of your shirt and he leans in close. 

 

“Don’t feel bad for Demetria. She’s just a used-up whore.” 

 

You two look at each other for a moment. You’re figuring out if he’s being serious, and if he is, then that means you have to tell Magnus. You wonder what he’s thinking, but you don’t care to find out. You push him away, and walk away from him. This time, thankfully, he doesn’t follow. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kissing scene in this chapter does not happen in the movie. In fact, there's really no kissing between the two main characters. But I still liked the movie. 
> 
> I think this will have two (2) more chapters until it's finished, but I'm still not sure. 
> 
> And as always, enjoy!

September 8 

 

You’re playing a fortune teller paper game while the rest of the class is talking, and doing whatever. You get to the end of the fortune, and you read your results and you don’t like them. You fold the game back up and put in your pocket. 

 

“Maxim is such an ass,” you overhear in kapampangan. You immediately react to hearing Maxim’s name, and the group of boys who are talking about him look at you for just a moment, and they go back to cleaning the chalkboard. 

 

_ After tasking his friends to kill a person in exchange for currency, rumors are spreading of Maxim’s desire to join the head-severing cult. Am I the only won who knows his true intentions? Or does Magnus know?  _

 

Magnus walks right past you and doesn’t even bat an eye. You haven’t been to his house in a while, and you’re starting to miss him, but you’re not going to tell him that. But maybe you should tell him that you miss, maybe you should tell him everything. Though, telling him everything doesn’t sound so good right now. Maybe you should just wait. 

 

Some kids come up from behind you and ruffle your hair. You’re not sure why they do it, but it ticks you off. 

 

“Assholes,” you swear in kapampangan. 

 

They turn around and glare at you. “What did you say? Wanna say it again?” One kid pokes in the chest. “So, you’re fighting back now?” 

 

Sometimes, you get too bold for your own good. Then situations like these start to rise, and then you automatically regret ever saying anything. 

 

“Let me know if you ever wanna spar outside.” 

 

One kid comes up from behind you and yells, “Hey! Kapampangan.” The kid is shorter than you, and he pretends to punch the guys mouth. After the short kid does that the bigger kids go after him. You just stand there, silent. 

 

-

-

 

“I told you class. The internet makes students more lazier and less smarter. One click, and you already have answers to your homework. Those of you who did not pass their reaction paper, including those who used the internet in any of their assignments, I want you to fall in line.” 

 

You know you’re one of those people, but for some reason you don’t feel disappointed in yourself. In fact, you actually don’t give shit about anything right now. Still though, you don’t go up there. You see Magnus fall in though, and after he receives his punishment, he walks past you and intentionally bumps his shoulder into yours. That’s first time he’s made physical contact with you in about a month or so. While the initial contact hurts, you don’t mind it all that much. In fact, you feel your lips curl up in small smile. 

  
  


-

-

 

September 21 

 

You overhear a conversation between Snyder brothers and their mom. You put two and two together and you think the Snyder brothers are not returning back to school. Which is sad because now you’ll be lonely again. 

 

_ Two years ago, a student drowned in a beach in Olongapo. His name was Serafin, aka Pen-Pen, aka Boy Negro because of his kinky hair and dark complexion. The school seems to be more affected by the expulsion of the mestizo siblings than when Pen-Pen perished. He was only eleven. The one person who’s ecstatic with the departure of Magnus, is Leon Alimurong, the returning Alpha male of the batch. Everything is going back to it’s normal, dreary existence.  _

 

_ - _

_ - _

  
  


Crying has always been such a weird concept to you. It’s crazy how much emotions can overwhelm the human body, and the only way to release those emotions is to cry. And that’s what you’re doing right now, is crying. You’re counting all the money the Snyder brothers gave you while you did their homework, and you’re also listening to the cassette tape Magnus gave you, while you’re also crying. Ever since the Snyder brothers have become a part of your life, it’s weird that they aren’t anymore, especially with Magnus. You miss his presence and his soft smile, and his boisterous laugh, and his beautiful brown eyes. Life is funny like that sometimes. People will come and go from your life, and all you can do is cry and move on. Or, at least try to move on. 

 

-

-

 

After the school day ends, you see Magnus standing outside by a tree. You walk over to him, and he looks just as pretty as ever. You think it’s weird to call a guy pretty, but he is. Magnus Snyder is pretty, and you can’t deny that. He doesn’t meet your eyes when you approach him, but that’s okay. Just standing next him is enough for now. 

 

“You want to hang out?” he says. 

 

You don’t sound too eager by immediately saying yes, so instead you say, “Uh, I have a project to finish.” 

 

You watch as he looks down and to the right, like he might another answer to your question on  the ground. 

 

“But that can wait,” you say, hurriedly. “Where’d you wanna go?” 

 

He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know.” 

 

“Want to see where I used to live?” 

 

He nods his head. “Yeah, let’s go.” 

 

-

\- 

 

You and him walk until you come upon a steep, concrete hill. You’ve been to this hill loads of times, so to you, it’s not that hard to walk down. 

 

“How do we - how do we go back down?” Magnus asks. 

 

“Simple. We just walk,” you respond. 

 

You angle your body so that you walk down diagonally, so that you don’t faceplant down the hill. But, Magnus, on the other hand, he walks straight forwards down the hill, and ends up at the bottom a lot faster than you. It takes you a moment or two, but you finally reach the bottom of the hill. Both of you continue walking, and along the way you find a large twig and you carry it with you. 

 

“Our house should be somewhere around here,” you say as you walk around the large holes in the ground. 

 

“How can you tell?” he asks. 

 

“I used to count the steps from the main road to our house when we used to live here before,” you explain. 

 

“So you count the steps?” he repeats. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“How many steps?” 

 

“Exactly one thousand forty-three.” 

 

Both of you stop where you are because where there was once a village full of people, there is now nothing. All that is left is water, mud, and some long grass. Everything else is just gone. 

 

“Everything is just gone, huh?” Magnus comments. 

 

“Yeah. Even my favorite toy as a kid is buried under all of this lahar.” 

 

“What was your favorite toy growing up?” he asks. 

 

You’re quiet for a moment. You turn around, and make the actions of your favorite toy growing up. “An Omega Boy action figure.” 

 

Magnus does the same actions and then you two start to play fight. You make the  _ swoosh _ sound to add effect, while Magnus just does the moves. You miss this. You miss acting goofy and silly with Magnus. You just miss Magnus in general, so this time with him is gratifying. 

 

Magnus chuckles. “Okay, I give up.” 

 

“My parents thought we were going to die,” you say. 

 

“Didn’t you already know that was going to happen?” 

 

“We were the last ones to evacuate. We stayed here even though everyone else left.” You look down and find some rocks on the ground. “What about you? Were you here when Pinatubo erupted?” 

 

“Yeah. Even my dad was still here.” He throws a rock into the muddy river. “I still remember taking this long driver to his friend’s house. My mom was quiet the entire time, and you know how loud my mom gets. Anyway, we get to Cavite and my dad tells us that he’s going back to clark to get a few things. That was the last time I saw him.” 

 

You both sit down the large rock behind you. He sits to your left. 

 

“Were you scared when it happened?” he asks you. 

 

You turn towards him and say, “The lahar, kind of. But the eruption, no. I guess you can say I was..amazed.” 

 

“Amazed?” he says in disbelief. “By what?” 

 

“The power of nature.” 

 

“The power of nature?” he scoffs. “Are you serious?” 

 

“Yeah. I mean, didn’t you see the smoke in the sky that formed like a giant cauliflower.” You get up. “My parents were crying, and so was everyone else. There was even this priest who led the whole town to pray for their lives. It was funny. And then it wasn’t. We were all hungry and tired. And this weirdo was standing outside as it all happen. Next thing we knew, we came back here and there was nothing. It was like our house didn’t even exist at all. The lahar took everything.” 

 

You sit back down. 

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Magnus says. 

 

“For what?” 

 

“I’m over here complaining about my stupid problems, yet...you lost everything, man.” You hear the slight crack in his voice, like he’s forcing himself not to cry. “Your house got buried underneath all this crap, and...I don’t know how you do it, but you’re still, you’re still good at everything you do.” 

 

You surprised by his words because you’re not good everything. You’re not very good at telling him how you really feel. You’re also not good at handling your emotions when they get to much. There’s a lot of things you’re not good, you just don’t tell him. Though, you’re a bit too good at thinking about him kissing you. 

 

He throws a rock into the river. “You’re pretty cool, Felix.” 

 

You look at him. “You really think so?” 

 

He nods. “Yeah.” 

 

He pulls you into a hug. And by hug, he just wraps an arm loosely around your neck, and the other pulls you in close. You’re surprised by this uncharastic affection, but you take it in anyways. You don’t pay any attention to your heart hammering away inside your chest. You just take in the moment. But that’s the thing about moments, they go as soon as they come. 

 

You tap his hand that his hanging over your shoulder. “Alright, alright. This is getting kind of gay.” 

  
  
  


September 22 

 

_Losing things has always been a part of my life._ _But when I look at my friend Magnus, he’s not the Omega Boy action figure that the lahar swept away. He’s not a stick of cigarettes that I can effortlessly locate in sari-sari stores._

 

You smile as you watch him bop the music that is playing the through the headphones. You see the smile blossom on his face, and you think about holding his hand in the tall grass where no one can see. It’s a nice thought to have; holding his hand. But that’s all this is, a nice thought. 

 

_ In this moment, I have Magnus. And nothing, not even the strongest force of nature can take that away from me.  _

 

-

\- 

 

It’s night by the time you get home, and Magnus is a little drunk. You can tell by the flush of his cheeks, and the way his words a slurred a little. 

 

“You know, I’ve been think about what you said.” He takes a sip of his from his beer can. 

 

“Which one?” 

 

“You know, about studying really hard together, and going to college, graduating with flying colors.” 

 

You’re not sure where this is going. “Okay? And?” 

 

He smiles. “I’m in.” 

 

You laugh lightly, “But how? You were expelled.” 

 

“I’m going to transfer to another school. It’s simple. I mean, you could still help me with my homework, right? Even though, we’re not school mates anymore.” 

 

“Of course. You’re like a brother to me,” you say, but once you say them you know they sound dumb. You know he’s not like a brother to you, in fact he’s more than a brother to you. Maybe, Maxim was right, maybe you are in love with Magnus. 

“You’re the best, man. The best.” He brings his hand up for a high five. You clasp hands with him for just second, but it’s enough to make your heart beat. 

 

“Well. You can leave me here now. How are you going home, anyway?” 

 

He groans. “Hmm. That’s the thing, I was wondering if I could stay the night instead. I don’t want to go home. Not tonight.” 

 

The thought of him spending the night over at your house is enough to send you spiralling. You’ve never really had anyone stay the night at your house, much less someone you really like. You just hope you don’t make a fool out of yourself. 

 

“C’mon man. Please, can I just sleep over? It’s too depressing to go home,” he pleads. 

 

You’ve never been good at saying no, “Okay, fine.” 

 

“Yes, yes, yes,” Magnus whisper-cheers. 

 

“Just don’t expect too much, okay?”

 

“Yeah, that’s cool.” 

 

-

-

 

Magnus comes stumbling through your doorway, and you plop him down on chair next the entrance of your house. 

 

“You didn’t tell me you were having someone over?” your mother says in her native tongue. “We don’t have anything to feed him.” 

 

“Don’t mind him,” you respond back in kapampangan. “He’s drunk. We’re going to sleep now, can we borrow your electric fan?” 

 

“Go ahead, get it from our room.” 

  
  
  


You walk into your room as Magnus is drunkley taking off his clothes, and plops down on your bed with nothing on, except some boxer shorts and white tank top. You stand at the end of your bed, awkwardly. You’re not sure what to do in the situation, but Magnus seems to have no problems with sharing a bed with you. 

 

“Hey, sorry,” he begins. “There’s still room. You can still fit, c’mon.” 

 

“Okay, I’ll try.” You crawl onto your bed, and lay right next to him. It’s a tight squeeze on your bed since it can really hold one person. And your right shoulder is touching his left shoulder, and all this closeness doesn’t do much to calm your nerves. 

 

“I never really had any friends growing up, you know?” 

 

“I find that hard to believe. But I know what you mean.” 

 

“No, no you...you’re my very first friend in the world.” 

 

You look towards him, and he looks at you. In this orange-yellowish lighting, you can see pink flush of his cheeks and the light sweat coating his neck. You think about kissing him, like you do when you’re mostly alone at night. You look at each other longer than necessary, and you tilt your head right and lean in closer. And you kiss him. Well, it’s hardly kiss. It’s a whisper of kiss, really. Your lips barely move, and you pull away soon as possible. You pull away and see the confusion settle onto his features, but he doesn’t look angry, and he also doesn’t look like he wants to throw a punch directly onto your face. But nonetheless, your heart is beating so fast. 

 

“You call that a kiss, Felix?” he smirks. 

 

“Wha-” 

 

Before you can even get the words out, you feel Magnus place a hand on the back of your neck, and he pulls you in close, and kisses you. Like, a proper kiss this time. Magnus is the one who takes the kiss to the next level. He kisses you deeper, and the surprise little noise comes from the back of your throat. Kissing someone you like is very pleasant experience. Though, you’re not sure if you’re doing the whole kissing thing correctly, but it feels right and Magnus is making these soft little noises, so you must be doing something correctly. 

 

He pulls away after a moment or two, and says, “That’s what you call a kiss, Felix.”

 

Unsure of what say next you just nod and say, “You should get some sleep.” 

 

“Okay,” he says softly. 

 

“Good night.” 

 

“Good night, man.” 

 

You lay there, quietly. You think over everything that Magnus and Maxim has said to you in the past two weeks. You don’t want to say anything to spoil this moment, but you’ve never been good at keeping things good for too long, because something always ruins it one way or another. This time, it’s you. 

 

“Magnus?” 

 

“Hmm,” he hums. 

 

“Maxim wants to kill your mother,” you confess. 

 

Magnus instantly sits up, and you follow after him. You watch him get pick his clothes off the floor. 

 

“The fuck, Felix,” he growls. 

 

You watch as Magnus immediately starts getting dressed. Once you realize what you have done, you instantly regret it and you want to take it back. 

 

“Wait, Magnus, I’m sorry,” you apologize. 

 

“You were just gonna let me leave my mom with him,” he sneers. 

 

You let out a sigh, and just watch him as he grabs his stuff and leaves you. Maybe you should get a gold star for fucking things up at the worst possible time. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is the end of the fic. Maybe I'll do one with the point of view being Magnus, but who knows? Also, I hope you all enjoyed this fic. Leave kudos and comments if you want.

September 25

 

You’re standing outside of the school, and you’re listening a group of girls talk about the cult that’s been going around. You’re not very sure if you actually believe in them or not, but it’s still frightening to hear about them nonetheless. 

 

“I heard they offer the chopped heads to the devil,” one girl says. 

 

“Didn’t they find a decapitated head near the bridge?” her friend responds. 

 

“Yes, my bus mate told me that.” 

 

“That’s why when you see someone suspicious…” 

 

You stop listening to their conversation after that. 

  
  


\- 

\- 

 

You’re walking home from school when you see your mom outside the house. 

 

“Good,” she says, “you got home early. Go to the grocery for me.” 

 

You’re surprised by her command because it’s almost dark soon, and whether you like to admit it or not, you don’t like to be out late at night by yourself. It’s not because you’re afraid of the dark, it’s the things that happen in the dark that you’re afraid of. 

 

“I need some things for supper.” She hands you some money, and you take it. 

 

“It’s getting dark,” you tell her. “I don’t want to be out too late.” 

 

“The cult isn’t real,” your mother scoffs.  “Your aunt Aida read that in the news.” 

 

Oh, right, because aunt Aida is the most reliable person when it comes to sharing the news. 

 

“Go on, hurry, so I can start cooking,” she says. 

 

You let out a sigh, throw your backpack onto the ground, and walk away with the wad of money in your hands. 

  
  


\- 

\- 

 

_ There are a hundred things I can conjure in my head as to what Magnus could do to Maxim. At the same time, I’m terrified of what Maxim could do to me for exposing his heinous plan to Magnus.  _

  
  


You arrive at the grocery store and start to pick the things your mom needs for dinner tonight.  You continue walking in between the aisles just grabbing things that your mom might need, and just food in general.   

 

“Oi! Felix,” Ms. Snyder says. 

 

You’re genuinely surprised by her appearance, and also scared. You’re scared because if she’s hear one or both of the Snyder brothers are here. And if it’s Maxim, well, hopefully it isn’t Maxim. 

 

“Tita, how are you?” You ask. 

 

“Same. Maxim is having crazy ideas. He’s asking if we can go to the beach in Subic next week. I think he’s getting bored with their ‘vacation” at home.’ He said to celebrate my 41st birthday. Gosh, I’m old. Why don’t you come?” 

 

And before you can answer, Maxim appears. 

 

“Mom, can we buy this?” He says, not noticing you...yet. You watch as Ms. Snyder tsks and grabs the cereal that Maxim was holding moments ago, and drops it into her cart. 

 

“Magnus is being childish, maybe you can persuade him,” she suggests. 

 

You side-eye Maxim before you respond to her, “I’m busy with school.” 

 

She pouts. “Maybe if you’re not busy, visit us at home. They miss you.” 

 

There’s really no way in hell you’re going to visit them any time soon. You’re afraid of what they might do to you when their mom isn’t around. 

 

“Okay, Tita,” you say. 

 

“I’ll wait for you there,” she says on her way out. 

 

While you’re in the checkout lane, you overhear Maxim and his mother talking. 

 

“Let’s go,” she says. 

Maxim dismisses her words, “It’s okay. Me and Felix have to talk.” 

 

“Are you sure? Oh, you know your way home later?” 

 

“Yes, mom.” 

 

“Okay. Here’s some money for your drinks,” she says as she hands over some cash to Maxim. “I’ll go then. Felix, beware of my son.” 

 

Those last words want to make you laugh because she should look out for herself too. 

 

Once she leaves, you cut right to the point. “Where are we going?” 

 

He doesn’t answer your question, instead he says, “C’mon. Let’s go.” 

 

-

\- 

 

You watch as Maxim pulls up his shirt to reveal a nasty bruise on the left side of his ribs. “See this, huh? It’s all your fault, Felix.” 

 

He pulls down his shirt. 

 

“What do you need?” you ask, timid. 

 

“You owe me. This plan was going well until you came along. Don’t you want to do this for Magnus?” 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

He scoffs and you watch him as he approaches you. He grabs you by your shirt collar. “You know what.” 

 

You two stare each other for longer than necessary, but that gives you the time to find the words you want to say, “Magnus is already fine staying here.” 

 

He scoffs again, but this time he shoves you and turns away. He then turns to look at you. “You really think we need you, than you need us?” 

 

You raise your voice a little, “I know Magnus better than you do.” Or, you like to think you do. Maybe you really don’t know Magnus as much as you thought, you just like to think you know him better than anyone else. 

 

“Whatever. Come with us next week, to the beach.” 

 

“Why would I do that?” You ask, confused. 

 

“If you go, Magnus goes.” 

 

“What’s in it for me?” you ask. 

 

“You need more money? I’ll give you more money?” 

 

“I already have enough,” you deadpan. 

 

He rolls his eyes. “Then what do you want?” 

 

“Take off all your clothes,” you command. 

 

Power. It’s such a strange thing to have, and even stranger to keep. In this moment, though, you don’t think it’s so strange. In fact, it’s kind of empowering. You get to call the shots, not Maxim. Maxim, who has always had this weird power over you for as long as you can remember, is finally getting what the taste of his own medicine. For this moment in time, Maxim is the sheep and you are the wolf. 

 

You watch as Maxim does what he is told, but you can see the defensive mechanism he has right now. He acts like he isn’t scared, he still acts if he’s the wolf in sheep’s clothing when in fact, he’s a sheep in wolf's’ clothing. You, for right now, are the wolf in sheep’s clothing. And, you hate to admit, but it makes you feel good. Then the moment is over. You watch as Maxim puts his clothes back on, and you just stand there, silent. 

 

He approaches you and punches you hard in the stomach. Now, the roles between you too are back. He is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you are sheep in sheep’s clothing. There is nothing threatening or menacing about you anymore. 

 

You double over as you hear him say, “You better come, Felix.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


September 28 

 

_ Earlier today, Shelia, one of my classmates, got possessed. Thanks to the entity that possessed her, she had temporarily become English-speaking. But I don’t care for Sheila. That same day, I managed to have my clean school record tainted for cutting classes under Section No. 81.2 of the student handbook. I want to take matters into my own hands. I cannot let Magnus be taken away from me. Especially by his father, who has already abandoned him once.  _

 

“Hey,” Ms. Snyder says. 

 

“Hello, Tita,” you respond in kapampangan. 

 

“Birthdays only come once a year, right?” She laughs, but there’s no humor. “How about you? Didn’t you go to school?” 

 

You take off your backpack. “Half-day only.” 

 

“Look at this,” she says, pointing at nothing. “I already packed and cooked. We’re already about to leave, but I don’t know about those two.” 

 

“Happy birthday,” you say as you give her a gift. 

 

She smiles and takes it. “Oh, you’re so sweet. The other one’s acting like a child. Are you coming?”

 

You nod. 

 

“You’re coming? Leave your bag there,” she says as she points to the ground. 

 

“Okay,” you say and place the bag where she pointed. “I’ll just see them upstairs.” 

 

She hums in response. 

 

You enter the Snyder’s house, and knock on Magnus’s door, and out comes Maxim.

 

“Oh, it’s you,” Maxim snickers, and pokes you in the chest. “It’s your turn, I’m out.” 

 

You enter the room and see Magnus still looking as pretty as ever. Your thumps in your chest at the sight of him. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” he says, accusingly. 

 

“We’re going to the beach,” you respond.

“Who invited you? Wait, don’t you have school today?” 

 

“You know Maxim will still do it even without you.” You walk across the room and sit next to him on the bed. 

 

“Let’s go,” you say. 

 

-

\- 

 

The car ride to the beach is very tense, just like the first time you rode in the car with the Snyders. There’s no music playing and Maxim is acting like there's nothing wrong whatsoever. But you and Mangus both know that’s a lie. The thing about Maxim is that he knows how to play his cards, and when to play his cards right. 

 

“Happy birthday, Mom!” He exclaims. He looks to you and Magnus, and says, “C’mon guys!” 

 

You and Magnus both look at each other. 

 

-

\- 

 

You arrive at the destination, and you and Magnus sit on a log. You’re both watching Maxim interact with his mother. 

 

“Just watch them very carefully,” Magnus tells you. “The entire time.” 

 

A moment’s of silence washes over you like the waves washing over the sand. Magnus nudges you. “Well, I’m going to go dress up now. Watch them carefully.  _ Carefully.” _

 

You watch him stand up and walk away. You sit there for a minute or two, debating on going after Magnus, or do what you’ve been told to do. Then again, you’ve never really been good at following orders, though you’ve been really good at making bad decisions at bad times. In the end, you end up following after Magnus. 

 

You hear the shower running in the gross bathroom, you open the stall door in which Magnus is in. He doesn’t notice you at first because he’s facing the showerhead, and you’re creepily watching him. You’re heart is thoroughly pounding in your heart and you want to something, but that might make things worse than they already are. He looks utterly surprised and pissed to see you in there. Pissed because you should be watching Maxim because he’s trying to their mother. Surprised because who in their right mind walks in on someone who’s taking a shower. 

 

“What are you doing here?” he questions. “I told you to  _ watch  _ them.” 

“I have something tell you,” you say, hurriedly. 

 

“Dude, that can wait later, someone has to be out there watching them. What are you doing here?” 

 

You take a step forward into the shower, and you continue watching. 

 

“Felix,” he says your name, confused on what you’re doing. You’re confused too. 

 

You notice him back up into the shower as you continue to approach him. 

 

“Can I touch you?” you ask. You want him to say yes, but more than likely he’ll say no. He doesn’t say anything. You put your hand on his chest, just below his collarbone. You can feel his heart hammer in his chest as you do this. 

 

“Felix, what are you doing?” his voice laced with fear. 

 

You contine tracing your hands down his chest and to his stomach. And you can feel and see the slight ridge of abs he has. You can also feel the how his stomach muscles tense at the touch of your fingertips. Once you reach past his belly button, and to his hip bone, he pushes you away suddenly. He shoves you against the shower wall, and he has his foreman placed against your chest. 

 

You shove his arm away. “I thought we had plans! Just - just let me touch you.” 

 

He grabs your shirt in both fists, leans in close, and growls, “Don't you fucking touch me! Don’t you _ever_ fucking touch me again!” 

 

He stares at you like he can’t believe you would ever think to do this to him. It’s almost like the look of betrayal, and you don’t like it. He walks away from you. 

 

“Magnus, wait, I can explain!” You shout. 

 

But he’s gone, and you’re starting to cry in the shower. You can feel the wet pinprick of tears around the corner of your eyes, and the heavy sobs are starting to make their way into your chest and out through your mouth. You let out pathetic sobs in the shower, and you absolutely don’t give a shit about how wet your clothes are becoming. Magnus hates you now, and you can’t bare the feeling of Magnus hating you. 

 

You leave the shower, but you’re still crying as you walk back out and you head in a different direction. You see a lady sweeping a few feet in front of you, and you try not to make it look like you weren’t just crying two minutes ago. 

 

“Miss, how do I get back to Pampanga,” you ask in kapampangan. 

 

“Go to the corner road. There’s a bus to Pampanga,” she responds. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

\- 

\- 

  
  


October 6

 

Once you hear the news of Magnus and Tita’s tragic death, you walk to where you used leave and once your body gives out, you lay in the mud as the heavy sobs rack your body. This is hurt like you’ve never experienced. This hurt touches every corner of your heart and you can feel it break by the second. This is, this is something entirely new to you. You’re not sure how to handle the hurt, or even know how to start to handle it. Magnus is dead. Tita is dead. And, you’re sure it’s your fault. 

 

-

\- 

 

You go back to school the next day, but everything feels out of place, numb almost. You hear the teacher talk, but you’re not paying attention. 

 

“Those of you who did not submit your journals, please fall in line.” 

 

For the first time in your life, you fall in line and you don’t give a shit. 

 

_ Only a few days have passed since the untimely death of Magnus. The mourning of the campus ended abruptly when a new dance craze made its way to local television. It’s as if the Snyder brothers never existed.  _

 

You drown everything out and you see Magnus sitting in the seat diagonal to yours, but this time his clothes and hair are all wet. 

 

After school, you run the Snyder’s house. You stop at the front of their house for just moment, and then you knock on their door. No one answers, so you run around the back of their house and open the back door because you know they never lock those doors. You run upstairs and check Magnus’s room, but he’s not there and then you run to Maxim’s room. You stop in the middle of the doorway, and you see Magnus facing the window. 

 

“Magnus.” You wrap your arms around him in hug. “Magnus.” 

“What are you doing here?” Maxim’s voice says. 

 

Oh, that’s right. Magnus is dead, and the person standing in the window was Maxim. It’s been Maxim this whole time, but you wanted to believe so badly that it was Magnus. That Magnus somehow didn’t die, but you know he’s dead. You let go of Maxim, and push him away. 

 

He turns to you and has the audacity to say, “I have no more dollars for you.” 

 

All the anger and the hurt you have been feeling for the past couple of days comes spilling over like a sink that overflowed. 

 

“Son of a bitch!” You scream in kapampangan. You throw a punch straight to Maxim’s face. 

 

You throw him onto the ground, and you hit him again and again and again. You punch him in the face while tears are rolling down your cheeks. You hope that if you punch him hard enough and over again that the hurt might dissipate, but it doesn’t. It just stays there, just quieter this time. Once your energy is spent, you get off of Maxim. You see that he’s crying, but you don’t care. 

 

You walk away from their house, slowly. 

 

_ It’s so enticing to kill Maxim the way he killed his brother and his mother. But doing so will not bring Magnus back. Maxim deserves to wallow in his own misery. Maxim vanished after that momentous occurrence. Nobody knows where he went. Some surmise that he got abducted by members of the demonic cult and then got decapitated. Or maybe he joined the cult. One day, he shall abduct and behead me. If Maxim and manages to behead me, then I wish to dance, drink, and smoke again with Magnus in the afterlife.  _


End file.
